Philippians 4:8

My Central Perk

2006-03-19T22:00:00.000-05:00

My church just opened a coffee house on Capitol Hill. It is called Ebenezer's and can be found at this webpage. I have to be careful or I will become an Ebenezer's rat.

Within the religious life community at Ashland University, there were these people who were known as chapel rats, among whom I was a part. Chapel rats were people that made their second home the chapel. You could find them in the chapel studying, reading, and hanging out pretty much any time of the day.

I could have a serious tendency to do that at Ebenezer's! I went there on Saturday morning for a cup of joe with Gina, then for the inaugural Saturday night service, then I went to NCC for service this morning and back to Ebenezer's this evening for Sunday Night Live. Granted, they are all good things. I just don't want to hang out there TOO much!

Of Note: I attended the third of four inaugural Saturday night services. The official kick off service for Saturday nights is next weekend! So does that make that the 5th Inaugural service? And is it possible to have more than one inaugural anything!?

Of Note (2): I'm not completely convinced that there was a time when carrots were every other color but orange. I don't want to contest my pastor on most of his theology, but I'm wrestling in my soul with the non-orange carrots.

Of Note (3): I've decided that I'm going to purchase $5 gift cards to Ebenezer's for my neighbors. Truth be told, I haven't passed out one of the message series invites that the church passes out in the bulletins before a new series. But heck, I can bless my neighbors with a cup of coffee, they'll meet some good people and maybe even venture down for a service sometime. That I think I can handle!

The Music of my Heart

2006-03-12T22:48:00.000-05:00

Why do I associate music with love? I've done it all my life.

Everytime I go home to Ohio, my heart overflows with love for the people I see there. My mom, my dad, my brother, my aunt & uncle... I would give them the entire world if I could. When I am with them, money, possessions, my career and my future all fall away in comparison to the time I have to spend with them.

My trips home revolve around music. My dad and brother are the most amazing guitar players. My brother is involved with the music program at Ohio University. My weekends home are filled with smokey bars and live bands, concert halls and choir concerts, marching fields and the loud brass sound. It is as if my emotions when I am there are expressed in the musical activities we share together.

Home inspires me. I feel my soul grow deeper and more serious. The capacity of my heart to love expands, so I naturally increase my efforts to demonstrate it.

Play me a song... let it be happy or sad, but let the melody and harmony consume me, the beat drive me, and its message inspire me. That is the song I'm singing right now...

Fun is unhibited spontaneity!

2006-03-07T23:53:00.000-05:00

How much fun are you having as a Christian?...

Fun is unhibited spontaneity. Chances are the last time you really had fun it was a spontaneous, spur-of-the-moment activity or event. Big events and expensive outings can be fun, but sometimes we plan and spend all the fun right out of them....

The secret to enjoying unhibited spontaneity as a Christian is in removing the inhibitors. Chief among the inhibitors of Christian fun is our flesly tendency to keep up appearances. We don't want to look out of place or be thought less of by others, so we stifle our spontaneity with a form of flase decorum.

Biblical example to live up to: King David in 2 Samuel 6

- Neil Anderson in Victory Over the Darkness

Props to my recent spontaneous adventures:

Tried Lebanese Cuisine for the first time.
Moby Dick's House of Kabobs & Starbucks with a random group on a Friday evening.
Hiking the Billy Goat Trail after church. Check out some pictures here.
Grilling steaks on the cute grill.
Salsa Dancing on a Monday evening when I should've be in bed.
Impromptu visits from girl friends filled with laughter, honesty and Christian love.

The adventurous life is 100% spontaneous. I'm no quite sure where my Franklin Covey Life system fits in, but I am learning. Where does spontaneity become irresponsibility and immaturity? Can you have a steady job, a house, a family, maybe even a dog (as long as he is small, obedient and has little poop) and still live an adventurous, spontaneous life?

All the good without the great!

2006-03-07T23:24:00.000-05:00

I made a new friend yesterday, and we went Salsa Dancing (yes, my life is very random). I was instantly comfortable with him, and we had great conversations about everything and nothing at all. I freely talked about church, my friends, and my faith although indirectly. He was pretty responsive and seemed to agree with me on most subjects so I assumed that he was a Christian, maybe Anglican so he doesn't express it like I do, but a Christian nonetheless.

Come to find out on the way home that he is Jewish. Honestly, my heart broke for him when I heard that. I wanted to ask him with all the innocence of a child-like faith, "You mean you don't know Jesus!?" Silly, huh? How can such a good man, a good person, live such a wonderful life but miss the best part? We believe in a lot of the same "laws" and therefore live very similar moral lives, but he does not believe that Jesus was the man he said he was.

I wish that my heart would break for all those who don't know Christ, and indeed especially as of late, it has been. I recently made a list of all those people in my life who are unsaved, so that I can be strategically aware of opportunities to minister to them. It surprised how many of my family members aren't Christians. Am I willing to let them miss out the best gift of this life for the sake of political correctness?

I am standing at a threshhold in my faith. All Christians need to come to this point and ask themselves:

Do you really believe that Christ is who he says he is?

But also, do you believe that the Gospel message is the greatest message ever told? I'm not talking lip service here; I'm talking in your heart of hearts. Do you believe that Christ's death and resurrection is worthy of sharing with others around you? Is it a message that everyone needs to hear? Is it message worth looking foolish for?

Our hearts should break when we hear that someone doesn't know Christ. It should be an innocent question when we ask, "you mean, you don't know Jesus!?" These questions are shaping the way I'm looking at the rest of my life.

I haven't always lived out my faith so passionately; in fact, I don't believe that I've ever felt the way I do now about the Gospel message. I think that all Christians go through seasons, and I'm in a particularly challenging yet joyful season. He's asking more of me than I think I can give, but I"ll give. He's stretching me in ways I have never stretched, yet I'll try.

For better or for worse, I belong to Christ... Til death do us unite, nothing will seperate me from his love.

Saturday Long Runs

2006-03-04T17:33:00.000-05:00

I'm well on my way to my marathon goal for 2006. Today I ran 8.5 miles... by far the furthest I've run. Woo hoo!

Here is my route.

Gmaps has the greatest tool for runner to calculate their mileage. In Ohio, I used to drive my routes to calculate my mileage. However, that is impossible in D.C. where you often run the wrong way down one-way streets or through the middle of parks or on the National Mall. The Gmaps pedometer allows you to calculate running on sidewalks and through parks, especially if you switch to the satellite view.

Happy running!

The June Carter in Me

2006-03-04T02:36:00.000-05:00

God has blessed me with two very wonderful men in my life, my dad and my brother. They are both handsome, talented and have dreams as big as the seas. Every time I watch the movie Walk the Line, I understand them a little bit more. I know how to love them a little bit better.

Besides talented, these men are very complex. I've come to understand that I'll never fully understand them. Do you think that June Carter fully understood Johnny Cash? Probably not.

Music is to the world what love is to individuals. Music creates beauty from an imperfect world. Love creates beauty from imperfect human beings. They even function the same... they require a lot on the part of the giver and reciprocity and acceptance on the part of the reciever. The giver can't not give; it is built into his soul. A musician must sing. A lover must love. Music and love are both complex in and of themselves, but without them this world is an ugly, complex mess. With them, the complexities combine to form a melody, a harmony, a rhythm, a tune.

Then what does it take to love a musician like Mr. Cash, my dad or my brother? It takes a June Carter, a woman who is willing to see past all the challenges of today to embrace unimaginable dreams for tomorrow. A musician has all odds against him in this world, but his closest love should not be one that tells him that. Sure, June Carter had her own dreams and even was able to fulfill them in the process, but she saw something in a man who saw little in himself. She loved him for everything he was, but also everything that he wanted to be.

I'm blessed with two Johnny Cash's, two long-legged guitar playing men. They both have a love and passion for music and a desire to share it with others. All beit, for me to get in the way of their dreams. Everyday the world tells them how impractical their dreams are, I want to be the one who believes in them.

Someday I'll have my own Johnny Cash, I don't really care if he plays guitar, but more that he has dreams bigger than the sea... dreams that I can come right along side him and embrace. Dreams that he doesn't believe that he can do himself, but he needs encouragement to become the man that God made him to be. I guess that is what it means to be a June Carter. Right now, I'm called to be June to two amazing musicians back in Southern Ohio just waiting to get recognized.

"Way to go, Johnny!"

Vertical Journey

2006-03-02T21:58:00.000-05:00

Life is more about the vertical journey than the horizontal journey.

Does anybody else ever feel that the more they move "upward" spiritually, or become closer to Christ, the more life seems to deepen?

Life doesn't come in this neat little package tied with a bow. No, it is very messy and often doesn't make sense, even for Christians. I think that there is pressure in the church to have our lives be tied with a bow, and that is why the church doesn't seem real to those around us.

But C.S. Lewis reminded me today that this vertical feeling to life isn't unnatural. In fact, it is seen everywhere in nature. Plants grow upwards, but they also grow downward. The beautiful flower that reaches to the heavens and displays all the glories of the Father has dirty roots planted deep below the surface. The taller and more brilliant they are to be come, the deeper into the dirt their roots must grow.

Endurance v. Perseverance

2006-02-23T22:48:00.000-05:00

"Perseverance is more than endurance. It is endurance combined with absolute assurance and certainty that what we are looking for is going to happen."

- Oswald Chambers

Perseverance (v) - to persist in a state, enterprise, or undertaking in spite of counterinfluences, opposition, or discouragement

Endurance (v) - to undergo (as a hardship) especially without giving in

Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Hebrews 12:1

Endure hardship as discipline; God is reating you as sons. Hebrews 12:7

It seems to me that one who perseveres is playing offense, while someone who endures somehting is on defense. Perseverance requires you to move with all odds against you, while endurance is standing firm while all odds are coming at you.

In the Christian life, there are times to persevere and there are times to endure. In the Bible, endure is used most frequently in two contexts: to describe a truth about God (i.e. his righteousness, truthfulness, faithfulness) and to explain how we are to handle opposition. Perseverance is used most frequently to describe how we are to move about in this world as a Christian. It builds our character (Romans 5:4, James 1:3). It describes the work that believers were doing in the world (2 Corinthians 12:12, Revelation 2:19).

As a runner I can relate to the picture of our life as race given in Hebrews 12. Endurance is your ability to maintain your pace throughout the race. If you have good endurance you are going to finish the race. However, in a race, especially here in D.C. where everyone and their brother runs, finishing the race is not enough to get the prize (1 Corinthians 9:27). It takes perseverance when you're running up the hill on Independence Avenue, when the wind is pushing against you, or when you are about to get passed by an opponent. It is the burst of energy when you think you have nothing left to give.

We need to persevere in our Christian faith and in service to others so that in the end we will not be content by finishing the race, but rather that we will have given every last effort to win the prize. If a runner gives half effort in a race and comes in second there are only two people in the world that really know, the runner and his coach. Your coach knows what you are capable of, and the areas to push you so that you become a stronger, faster, better athlete.

Stanton Park Pup Princess

2006-02-23T08:09:00.000-05:00

Every morning Stanton Park, the little park just down the street from my house, is filled with dogs and their well-disciplined owners. Dog-lovers bring their dogs their for excercise and to play with the other neighborhood dogs. These dogs are so well trained that every few of them are kept on a leash.

For those of you who know me well, I am not a dog lover by any means. As a young girl, I was once attacked by an enormous dog who knocked me to the ground and then proceeded to vicously lick me to death. ; )

Most mornings I can go to the park to stretch before my run without the dogs even giving me a second thought. But today was very different... I caught the eye of one pup and gave him my best 1920's Chicago Gangster look. To my surprise he jumped up and started barking wildly. Then he and another partner in crime ran up to me barking wildly. After their owners calmed them down, another dog from the other side of the park ran up to me barking wildly.

To be honest, I don't know what was different about this morning, but I sincerely hope that it doesn't become a regular occurence. I'm not cut out to be the Stanton Park Pup Princess!

To the rescue

2006-02-22T22:57:00.000-05:00

"Leave her alone," Jesus said. "Why are you bothering her? She has done a beautiful thing to me."

Mark 14:6

As a woman, it is very comforting to see Jesus defend Mary's act of worship against her critics. How can our worship be as beautiful as Mary's sacrifice of expensive perfumes? More importantly, how do we allow the Savior's voice drown out the criticisms of the others in the room?

Who are you, brother, to condemn one like me

to judgment in Hell

when the Lord set me free.

CDG

Props to Thomas

2006-02-21T22:59:00.000-05:00

Thomas said to him...

Lord, we don't know where you are going, so how can we know the way?

Jesus answered...

I am the way, and the truth, and the life.

John 14:5-6

Props to Thomas for asking the difficult, but all too obvious question. A question we all would like to ask the Lord ourselves most days, I'd assume. And no offense to the Creator, but do you think that Thomas was satisfied with the answer. He was looking for a map, and he found a man.

Maybe that is why the chapter opens,

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me."

Easier said than done. Just as it is easier to ask the question than to be prepared for the answer. At least, I think that is what Thomas learned that day...

The Blue Hole

2006-02-20T09:39:00.000-05:00

As I sink into the depth, I reach up to go down.
Truth is the bottom that has never been found.

Make sense of this depth.
Oh, fisher of men, you've let me sink.
A hook in my heart
I bleed for your sake.
Rescue me from the darkness.
Teach me to swim
Up to the shore, to dry in the sunlight

Yet I sink again.

Oh, how the idols fall...

2006-02-20T09:21:00.000-05:00

At recent discussion at Capitol Hill Baptist Church on "Does Thin Equal Beautiful," the speaker, Ed Welch, noted that you'll know when you've made something an idol by the negative fruit that it produces in your life. Eating healthy and excercising regularly are both very good things that very easily become idols. Audience members to give examples of the negative fruit that comes from idolatry of diet and excercise, such as looking at oneself in the mirror too much, never allowing oneself to eat a cookie, or waking up every morning and stepping on the scale first thing. I've recently learned this lesson about idolatry in my own life...

I don't struggle too much with idolatry of diet and excercise, although I do like to stay trim and healthy. But there are still some very recognizable signs when I've made something an idol.

Take dating for example. We just had the dating message at NCC which was very good, even though he only got to 6 of the 10 dating "commandments." I know that I've made dating an idol when I:

1.) Hang up the phone too quickly with my dad because I'm getting a call from someone special.
2.) Hesitate to make plans with my best friend on Friday because I'd like him to ask me out.
3.) Check my email and my cell phone frequently to see if he's called.

The first dating commandment from yesterday's message was to RELAX! Which were the very words that I needed to hear. Based on Genesis 24, Pastor Mark suggested that God might even have dating angels assigned for bringing you your life partner. He also suggested that God is more concerned with finding you the perfect person at the right time than you are. Interesting, huh?

So the idols continue to fall as the Lord beckons me into a deeper, more fruitful relationship with him. "Speak Lord for your servant is listening."

A Valentines to Remember

2006-02-16T19:33:00.000-05:00

Tuesday was Valentine's Day. Although many single young women harness bitterness toward the dastardly day of romance, I've always tried to embrace it differently. Just like in grade school when you passed out candy and cards to all your friends, I celebrate the love of the friendships that I have. I use Valentine's day as an excuse to spoil those that I love most, even if it is not a romantic love. I sent my mom flowers, sent my dad and brother cards, and sent emails to my closest friends.

However, despite all my efforts to deny the negative feelings that a single woman experiences on Valentines, I still left work disappointed that I didn't have plans for that special evening. This was the first Valentine's Day in four years that I didn't have someone special to share it with, and although I tried to divert my attention from that, it still stung.

But then I recieved the greatest gift of all... one of my co-workers contacted me with an invitation. Michael W. Smith, one of the founders of the Contemporary Christian Music genre and pretty much the sole contributor to the soundtrack of my youth, was going to be at Heritage to show his new movie The Second Chance to select Congressmen. I was thrilled! Of course, I accepted, invited my best friend to join me, and we had a great time.

My initial thought was, "Who says that God doesn't romance his beloved!?" What a gift I had recieved! I knew when I accepted the invitation that I would be challenged by whatever happened. I knew that I wouldn't leave Heritage the same. My divine "date" touched my soul more than any date with an eligible D.C. bachelor could have. And had I been so vain to accept a date on Valentine's Day just for the sake of not being alone, I would've missed the miracle of the last minute invitation.

My views on love have changed since I moved to D.C.... matured, perhaps. I actually gave up dating when I came back after New Years, and committed myself to seeking the Lord. I've been asked out a few times, and with the exception of one guy, I've declined the offer with some very nice gentlemen. Love is not a game, as I have treated it in the past. I mean sure there are some aspects of it that are exciting, but for the most part it takes a commitment of body, spirit and mind that until recently I wasn't willing to give. But as of late, I have fallen into a passionate relationship with my heavenly father that I won't trade for one ounce of the earthly love that I aimlessly sought for many months.

The greatest picture of Love was Christ crucified, demonstrating all the passion, persistence, and committment of the Father to his prodigal children. The Cross was no game. It was true, perfect and beautiful, but no one was laughing. No, the scarlet I recieved this Valentine's Day did not come from a flower that the flowerist had pruned the thorns, it came from the blood of a man who bore those thorns on his brow in a relentless pursuit of my heart.

Three Cheers for Ken Blackwell!

2006-01-26T16:31:00.000-05:00

As you all know, I'm a dedicated Ohioian. A couple hundred miles away from the great state, I still find that I love Ohio politics and culture. Here is a recent article that I read on gubernatorial candidate Ken Blackwell. I promote Ken Blackwell as a solid leader and a wonderful Conservative. As a speaker he is engaging, and as a man he is principled. He is what Ohio needs right now...

The state is divided, and he will unite them. The last thing Ohio needs is a big government republican who wavers on issues... Ken is exactly the opposite. A godsend? Quite possibly. I encourage everyone to support his campaign... you will not be disappointed!!!

Ken Blackwell for Governor 2006!!!

Goals for 2006

2006-01-02T21:51:00.000-05:00

I'm a very goal oriented person. Sometimes I set goals before I even have a chance to accomplish the last ones, which if you think about it, is how goal setting should be. There are a few things that I would like to accomplish in 2006...

1.) Run a Marathon.

Since 2004, running has always been my primary source of physical excercise. It has also been a source of inspiration. I much stronger than I used to be. I'm determined, and I take more physical risks than I ever used to. I have become an athlete. This year I would like to set my sights high and run a marathon. Right now, I run about 4 miles daily so I'll have to up my weekly mileage slowly. My roommate and a friend, Laura, are training for a half marathon this spring, so I think that I might shoot for a half-marathon (13 miles) with them. There is also the cherry blossom 10 mile race this spring that I hope to take part in. My friend Joelle said that she would go on the long runs with me so that I'm not bored. I might even join the running group at church this spring.

2.) Continue my education.

Since I've graduated I haven't stopped learning. I would like to milk my job for all the educational value that I can get out of it. I don't know how long I'm going to be there so I need to make the most of it now. I need to continue to volunteer to write papers, but of course, first by finishing the paper I've started. I will continue to find opportunities to formally continue my education, beginning the GRE later this month. I would like to apply for the Publius Fellowship in Claremont, California where I would spend two weeks learning about American history and political thought as well as improve my writing. I would like to keep blogging. I need to continue to read as much as a possibly can... especially classic novels and works that inspire me.

3.) Be a focused employee.

Currently, I feel that sometimes I am lazy at work. I need to start by arriving on time. I consistantly run about 5 minutes late, which frustrates me.

I already feel as though I'm running out of new ideas so I need to find new ways to keep myself sharp. How can get new ideas for my programs? How can we improve them? Once a month I would like to attend similar programs throughout the area and then talk with the program coordinators to get their ideas on organization, topics, speakers, etc. I need to plan ahead more with my job. I am definitely procrastinating about the spring semester, which begins in three weeks. This week I need to crack down and finish up the curiculum so that I can start organizing speakers and such.

I would like to find new ways to organize events and tasks for my boss so that he can better do his job. I'm not quite sure how to do this, but I might speak with other ladies in the office who have similar jobs and see how they are working on things. Suggestions are gladly welcomed.

I need to help put new ideas into motion. My boss is constantly coming up with new ways to educate others, projects that we can work on, papers we can write, and I need to keep track of these projects and follow through with what he's had me start. It is easy for them to get lost in the files so on slow days I need to bring out these files to begin working on.

4.) To be more God focused, instead of guy focused.

I realized that I am very guy focused, and it has left me feeling very empty. Yet every moment that I spend in the word, worship or prayer fills me up in ways that I can't even explain. Often I think only of myself, instead of how I can show God's love to those around me. This will change the way that I enteract with my guy friends. It will be a concious effort to change the frequent topic of my conversations and an intentional effort to explore my personal interests and desires. I will focus on my relationships with my girl friends and then find ways to serve others. I would like to get involved in a youth ministry of some sort... maybe young life, maybe coaching, maybe Big Brothers, Big Sisters.

I need to seek my first love with all my heart before another love can fit into my life. I am very young still and I still am just as wild at heart as I was two years ago when I was thinking about getting married. I am still adventurous. I want to get out and see the world, try new things and meet new people. As much as I love D.C., my boss, my job and my friends, they are too comfortable for me, and I run the risk of staying here forever if I never seek other possibilities. I need guidance, but I am continually look for it in all the wrong places. As soon as I stop learning and growing where I currently am, I need to move on, whether that happens in 2006, 2010 or 2030.

In a few months I will evaluate my progress on these goals. I invite my friends to keep my accountable to them. They are lofty and vague so I'll have to work out smaller steps to achieving them, but these are my initial thoughts for 2006, and they will all get done with God's help.

Happy 2006!!!

Education & Liberty

2005-12-31T14:13:00.000-05:00

One of the reasons that I love to study slavery is that it reminds me of the close relationship between an education and liberty. The wife of Frederick Douglass' first master taught him to read until her husband forbid it. He argued that slaves that read were too dangerous. Luckily for young Frederick, the process had already started. He then spent all of his free time learning to read and write. In fact, that is the history of our republic. Most great Americans were self-taught. They are self-disciplined and overcome all obstacles to learn to read and write.

The lessons of Uncle Tom's Cabin were no different. George, one of the fugitive slaves who escaped through Sandusky, Ohio (my home town) to Canada, spent every moment learning. When he came upon a great fortune and offered anything that he wished, he said, "Give me an education, Emily; that has always been my heart's desire. Then I can do all the rest." There are two important lessons in this statement.

The first is that an education is a gift. Most young Americans today are blessed with the opportunity to go to school, especially to obtain a college education. They have this gift, but most of them waste the opportunity. They don't value an education for its own sake; instead they value the degree it gets them or the pay check that it brings. Most young adults blow off the four years they have to commit themselves to learning for an opportunity to have four years of freedom from responsibility.

The second lesson is that an education is no good without action. My criticism of most academics or my friends that have committed themselves to an education is that they do not do anything with what they've learned. They spend all their time behind the books, but when it comes to hard work of applying what they've learned to change the world around them, they are lazy. An education is not an opportunity to be lazy. I guess that is why I admire my boss so much. He is very intelligent and a brilliant writer, and he has never stopped learning. But he has found a very practical way to use his education to change the world.

One of the problems that the emancipated slaves faced was that they believed that liberty was only an education without work. They had spent their lives toiling in the fields; therefore, when free, they did not choose to work. Booker T. Washington encouraged the emancipated slaves to "toss down your buckets where you are," meaning that they should work hard and be the best person and employee that they could in circumstances that life has placed them. At Washington's school, Tuskegee, he taught his students a trade as well as an education. He taught them to be self-disciplined in all aspects of life, not just learning. His students' rooms were kept neat, and he expected the highest standards of personal character from them. He taught them that liberty is not freedom from responsibility, but that freedom requires responsibility.

In the United States today, citizens allow a few educated men and women to make the decisions for them. If the average citizen does not educate himself in the ways of his republic, then he is sure to loose his liberty. Why weren't the citizens of the Soviet Union allowed to read whatever they wanted? Because there is a direct connection between learning and freedom. The slave owners of the south knew that the only way to keep their slaves was to keep them ignorant.

Americans should read a book like Uncle Tom's Cabin is to remind themselves of the value of liberty! There is nothing like freedom, but for most of us, we have known nothing else. As Benjamin Franklin said, we have a republic "if you can keep it." Let's hold on to our liberty with all that we have. The only way to do that is to educate ourselves and then labor daily to preserve it.

Living Love

2005-12-31T12:35:00.000-05:00

I just finished the book Uncle Tom's Cabin, and there is one thing that I don't quite understand about the books reputation in America today. There is the phrase, "You're being an uncle Tom." Why is it bad to be an Uncle Tom? It seems that an Uncle Tom is exactly the kind of person that everyone should desire to be. He is a man of dignity, honesty and hard work. He spends every spare minute of his life reading the Bible, in prayer, or writing to his family. Of course, as a slave, reading and writing was a considerable feat for him. He found favor with each one of his masters, because his Christian faith shown through in everything that he did. As someone who is often frustrated with modern Christian literature, this novel proved to me that I don't need to read Christian books to be inspired in my Christian faith. Uncle Tom and other characters in the novel such as little Eva encouraged me more than any of the Contemporary Christian books that I've read in the last year.

I learned what it means to really live Christ's love in everything that you do. Like little Eva in the novel, my heart feels overwhelmed with love that I long to share with others. Of course, unlike Eva, I usually waste that love on unworthy worldly pursuits while Eva who was no more than eight shared God's love with everyone she came in contact with. She was a walking personification of God's love, as was Uncle Tom.

Christ's love does not depend on our outward situation. Tom was raised on a plantation in Kentucky where he had good masters who brought him up in the Christian faith. His family loved him, and he was always faithful to them. When his master sold him in exchange for his debt, Tom willfully submitted himself to the unknown future that God had for him. God sustained him by giving him another gracious master, who had plans to give him his freedom but died suddenly after a bar fight. Throughout most of his life, Tom's faith easily sustained him. His first two masters were like the American Christian church today. We value good character and strong faith, but it comes fairly easily to each of us because we are in very comfortable situations. But Tom's third master, Legree, was a tyrannt. He valued Tom's work and decided to make Tom the overseer of the plantation. But when Tom refused to whip his fellow slave, Legree beat Tom within a few inches of his life. It was at this final plantation that Tom's faith was truly challenged. The temptation to believe that Christ had abandoned him was on the lips of everyone around him. Every time that he did good, he was punished. But the word of God was like bread to his soul, it built him up and encouraged him.

When he protected two fugitive slave girls, he was flogged like his tyrannt master had never flogged anyone before. Tom's last words to his master were of forgiveness and love. Tom's thoughts were heaven bound. He knew where he was headed but pitied his master for his terrible fate. To love thy enemies... one of the commandments that Christians today rarely face, Tom enacted to his deathbed.

Loving God has nothing to do with our physical body. Tom's body and the pain his master brought to him physically could not seperate him from the love of Christ. His physical body could have been a hinderance to loving Christ fully, but he did not allow it to be. Even in the days of my youth, I feel that my physical body is a hinderance to fully loving Christ. When God says, "Love the Lord your God with all your mind, all your soul, and all your strength," I do not believe that "your strength" has anything to do with you physical body. It is more about your inward determination to follow Christ despite your circumstances. It takes courage to follow Christ. True Christian faith and worship is all spiritual. This is not rocket science, but something that just occured to me while reading this novel.

My goal for 2006 is to put aside my own desires for the desires of Christ. I resolve to love Christ with all my heart, soul, mind and strength against all odds, all circumstances, and all the temptations of this earthly vessel. This world is not my home, and like Uncle Tom, I set my sights heavenward to fully live the love of Christ here on earth!!!

Limited Government?

2005-12-28T00:49:00.000-05:00

In a recent conversation with a friend in D.C. about the nature of the U.S. Constitution, he stopped me and said, "So let me get this straight... your argument is that the Constitution limits government?" What!?! Are there really people out there that don't understand the document's principle function? That is like the people that attended my home church's live Christmas nativity and said, "wow, this is a great story! Where did you ever come up with it!?" The Limited Government is to the Constitution what the birth, life and death of Jesus Christ is to the Bible... it is the entire reason for its existence.

Read the Bible. You will read the words of Christ's messages and the histories of his teachings. You will know who Christ is and what he was all about. Read the Constitution and you will know that it is meant to limit government.

However, just as there are many Christians who claim to believe in the Bible without ever reading it and there are even more Americans who believe in the Constitution without ever reading it. Law schools rarely teach it. And if the lawyers aren't reading it, who is!?! One hopes that the public officials have read it... But what about the average American, does he understand the importance of the document?

It is no news flash that the average American does not read the Constitution. Instead it is an American buzz word. We claim it in arguments and revere it in a sacred sense, but have no idea what it actually means. Citizens and politicians alike will use it when it gets them what they want, but abuse it when it does not. We have created a lot of buzz words in our society that very few people actually think about what they mean, if they mean anything. Words like values, freedom, and equality are devoid of their meaning and are used in politicial speeches precisely because no one knows what they mean.

Well, there are those out there that know that the Constitution limits government... there are those out there that cling to the original meaning of the words as the Framers of the document intended. Call them crazy or old fashioned... but in the end you will want to call them, because they are the ones trying to protect your liberty in the true old fashioned sense of the word. But liberty is another word that has been stripped of its original meaning... it is something that we know we should want but do not know why or what we will do with it when we get it.

And, alas, buzz words have once again undermind the Conservative argument...

Honky Tonk

2005-12-24T00:04:00.000-05:00

Tonight I went to an actual honky tonk in Ohio. Yay for Country music and line dancing! Of course, my brother and I were the youngest people in the place by atleast ten years, but we had a wonderful time!

Here are a few thoughts that it left me with:

1.) Line dancing is harder than it looks!
I consider myself a pretty good dancer, but these people have been doing this for years. They knew every dance perfectly. You quickly learn to stay out of their way, or you are going to get run over!!! At first, I thought the people were rather mean. They would literally push me out of their way. Just as I was about to walk off the floor frustrated, ready to swear off professional line dancing forever, one of the experts offered his help. I was very grateful!

2.) Both partners need to know the dance.
As you know, I'm a salsa dancer. I love to salsa dance because as a woman, I do not need to know the dance. As long as I have rhythm and can follow, I will be just fine. However, in line dancing, both partners need to know the steps. Also, the dance is planned rather than in salsa or swing were you make it up as you go along. Although I didn't have a chance to try to dance with a partner, it seemed to me that salsa dancing is still more representative of the life I would like to live.

I had never been to a honky tonk before, and overall I think that it was a good experience. Once I know the line dances, I'll do just fine.

Second Guesses

2005-12-14T14:23:00.000-05:00

Why do people second guess themselves?

I am as guilty of it as the next person. It is a self-esteem issue. We don't think that we're good enough. We worry too much about the wrong people think of us, and not enough about the right people.

In general, I try to believe that at their core people are good. I believe that with any amount of work anyone can accomplish anything that they set there heart on. They have to be determined and confident in their abilities. They have to be a positive thinker, believing beyond all odds that they can achieve.

I often jump in with both feet and then feel like I'm sinking. Each time I second guess my own skills and abilities, I forget about my ability to swim above water. I forget that God created me for more than mediocre. He created me for a life of success and accomplishment. I just need to take hold of the prize for which he has called me.

I need to believe... not in myself, because I know that I am capable of failure. I need to believe in the God who believes in me. He is capable of all things, even to use little old me.

A song of life...

2005-10-17T17:28:00.000-05:00

What is the difference between a swing band and a jazz band?

Two weekends ago, I went swing dancing, and I sang its praises for days. The entire evening was like a scene from a movie. From the moment that I walked down the stairs wearing my black and white sun dress, soft pink lipstick and bouncing curls to meet my date who was sitting in the living room making small talk with my host family, I felt as though I had walked onto the set of the Pleasantville. The evening was perfect. The moon, the stars, the lights. I was with a perfect gentleman. The perfect atmosphere. The all-around perfect date.

We danced for hours to the live swing band with hundreds of other couples, young and old. Having done very little swing dancing myself, I made up my mind before the evening began to have a wonderful time. I enjoyed myself so much that I believed I could go swing dancing every weekend from then on. Good, clean, fun.

However, something happened to me this weekend... Jazz! It happened to me, and I wasn't even ready for it. There I sat in the second role of candle-lit tables at a humble club in Georgetown, listening. I listened for a half hour, an hour, more. Sure, I had heard a jazz band play, but nothing like this. This was Jazz! The high school band that I grew up on does not come close. The Jazz on Friday night was real, live music. It was not only being played in front of us, but it was being made in front of us. The music I heard on Friday night may never be heard again.

Why didn't I experience the swing band like I experienced the Jazz band?

The swing band played notes on a page. Please don't get me wrong, they were very talented musicians. They all blended perfectly together. They were perfectly in tune with each other. No single musician stood out above the rest. It was beautiful, it was structured, it was perfect. It was as though it was from a movie. It was unreal.

Music by its very nature adds structure to life. It is the scientific and mathematical summation of beauty. But Jazz music is not just beautiful, it is sexy. It is alluring and tempting. It is mysterious and dangerous. It draws one into its depths and soothes her. It is abstract form. It attempts to wrap its fingers around something too large for its own hand.

Jazz music is a tale about life in its rawest form. Life does not follow the notes on the page. Sure, it may work within some loose parameters but overall, we are all just making it up as we go along. Life is sexy and dangerous. She puts you on a stage with a handful of musicians that you've never have seen before and demands that you play her a song. "What song?" you ask, squinting to see her through the spot light, but you can only hear her smoky laugh in response. "Who's watching?" you think. "Is there even anyone else in the audience? Are they even listening?" Turning nervously toward the others in the band, you bend down to pick up the instrument on the floor next to you. With your hand you whip the dust away revealing your name engraved into the brass. This instrument has been yours all along. You lift the instrument to your lips and blow, only to hear the most hideous noise come out the other end. The audience members moan with disappointment. Is this all your life was meant to be? Noise. One hideous sounding blast and it's over.

Then from behind you the bass begins to pluck a three-quarter count rif. To your left the drummer taps his brush on the cymbal while the other hand keeps the beat on the snare. There in the heat of the spotlight and stares of the audience, you lift the instrument to your lips and play. You close your eyes to drown out the moment and fix your soul on something much greater than yourself. You do not actively think about those who are up there with you, but you know deep inside, you could not play this alone. Sure, you may have screwed up, played your eighth notes too slow or your whole notes to fast, played the melody too quiet and the harmony too loud. But you played life into that song, you played your life into that song.

At the end, you turn to the other strangers in the band and realize that you were all playing the same song but with different rhythms, the same key but different notes. You were all playing your own song, but somehow it made the whole song. You look past the spotlight to see Life jump up from her seat in the corner of the smoky bar, clapping her hands wildly and shouting for an Encore!

Jazz is unpredictable. It is improve. It is serious. It is funny. A picture of who we are and where we are going... A song of life. Jazz!

Personal Trainer

2005-10-12T07:50:00.000-05:00

So Jesus is my personal trainer... I'm not kidding!!! This new gym gave me a couple of sessions with a personal trainer that they assigned me to Jeshua*, which everybody has told me translates to Jesus. The interesting thing is the Jeshua kind of looks like Jesus as well. He looks middle eastern with dark hair, dark eyes and a beard. For the record, he is very handsome. Just as I imagine the real Jesus to look. There is nothing like waking up to Jesus!!!

On a serious note, 1 Timothy 4:8 says "For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come." I constantly remind myself that just as I work out physically, I need to work out spiritually. So in that sense, Jesus is my personal trainer!!!

* Please note: I learned on the metro this morning that Jeshua really is translation for Joshua, which makes more sense. However, during my workout this morning I was thinking about this blog that I didn't want to give up the idea when I learned the truth. Hmmm...

** Also, I took a class this morning the instructor's name was James, still Biblical but more common. Three cheers for James!

Lessons along the road...

2005-10-10T18:39:00.000-05:00

I set out early this morning to celebrate Columbus Day by experiencing America as Christopher Columbus did in 1492. Translation: A few friends and I went hiking on our day off! We hiked 7.5 miles in Northern Maryland and had a wonderful time.

While we were out blazing the trail, I thought about the disciples walking along the road with Jesus. Jesus' most valuable teaching to the disciples was done along the way. I went into this hike expecting to experience Christ along the way, and I did.

My favorite part of the hike was when Colleen shared her testimony with me. She had an amazing story the probably lasted a mile or two about how God miraculously healed her mother and saved her entire family. To say that I was amazed at all that God had done in her life is an understandment. I experienced God through her story.

The Lord was so intentional about his love for Colleen's family. He knew that it would take something of that magnitude to bring them to their knees. He loved them that much! There is no doubt that God pursues his bride. He relentlessly and passionately pursues her and wins her heart! That is the lesson that Christ taught me along the road today...

The Far Side of Obedience

2005-10-10T05:10:00.000-05:00

Last night I worshipped on the National Mall with thousands of other believers. Steven Curtis Chapman was inspiring not only with his music but with his message. Standing there in the midst of the crowd I felt God tugging on my heart strings... dive in!

God is doing some hard work in my life. He is calling me to a deeper, more intimate relationship with him. He has been for a long time... jump!

I am at a very comfortable place in my life. For a 22-year-old recent college graduate I do not honestly think that I could be doing better than I am right now. However, I find that I am getting very comfortable with where I am. There is no doubt in my mind that it is only by the grace of God that I am here in D.C., but now that I am here it is easy for me to forget how much I need him. Luckily, God won't let me be. He is continually forming me into the person he wants me to be... let go!

My instant reaction to such a call is to begin to think about all the things that I can be doing for God. I came home last night and searched the internet for good charities and ministries to which I can devote my time and energy. I wanted to study how to budget so I can figure out the best way to be a good steward of my resources. I even lost sleep over the many ways that I can properly serve God.

This morning, when I woke at 5:30 a.m. on my day off, God immediately put me back in my place. My pastor likes to talk about faith on the near side of suffering and faith on the far side of suffering. Today, I felt like God was talking about truth on the near side of obedience and truth on the far side of obedience. I want to know God. I am a philosopher so I believe there is a conclusive evidence for God's existence. But Matthew 11:25, "you have hidden these things form the wise and learned, but revealed them to little children." Oswald Chambers explains it like this, "Let God's truth work into you by immersing yourself in it, not by worrying into it... If you obey God in the first thing He shows you, then He instantly opens up the next truth to you. You could read volumes on the work of the Holy Spirit, when five minutes of total, uncompromising obedience would make things as clear as sunlight."

My reaction to God's call was to do something for Him, to feel overwhelmed by the endless possibilities for ministry and service. The truth is that when God calls us to a more intimate relationship with Him, he is not calling us to amazing service, but instead to humble obedience. Although often over used, it is true that Christianity not about what you can do for God, but what God has done for you. God says in Matthew 25:21 when you are faithful with a few things, you will be given more. God does not reveal himself in the amazing ministries, but in the everday obedience.

Repeat Worthy

2005-10-09T00:06:00.000-05:00

Nancy and John had a burned CD downstairs that I am borrowing. I don't know who made the CD for them but the first song is a song that I absolutely love. It is a repeat worthy song... so I play it over and over again. Eventually I might get tired of it, but for now it will keep on playing.

Have you ever thought about what makes a song repeat worthy?

Today was a repeat worthy day... maybe even this entire week was repeat worthy. Wednesday I went to a Spanish party and made a few new friends. Thursday I attend the National Review 50th Anniversary Gala. Friday I went to a play and then out for drinks with my friend Betsy and her friend, Colleen. Tonight I went to a Christian concert on the Mall and then over to a friend's house for dinner.

Sure, I've been busy, but that does not necessarily make a week repeat worthy. This was probably the first week in D.C. that I felt as though I belong. I shared all of these events with some of my closest friends, today especially. This week was the first time that I was completely comfortable being myself around others, to express the true Carolyn with all her quirks.

As the song and this week draw to an end, I thank God for making them both repeat worthy. Good night.

What is the Midwest?

2005-10-08T13:08:00.000-05:00

D.C. is a very interesting city, because it is very rare to meet a true Washingtonian, as they are called. There are very few people that feel a loyalty to D.C., and very few that actually call it home and seek to live here long term. Even my friends, who have lived here for four or more years with no intentions of leaving D.C., continue to call their original state, their home. It makes conversation interesting because just like college you can ask where someone is from and there are as many answers as there are people in the room. Of course, the people from the same state feel a deep connection even though they may be from opposite ends of the state.

What is even more interesting is the connections that people feel when they are from the same geographical area. It is interesting to see the way that southerners' faces light up when they meet a fellow confederate, even though the one is from Mississippi and the other from Kentucky or Tennessee. I cannot condemn them for that because I do the same thing when I meet someone from Indiana, Wisconsin, Minnesota or Iowa. These states are what I consider the Midwest, but maybe I am wrong.

I recently met someone from Oklahoma who consider herself from the Midwest. I looked at her like she was crazy, but was she? What is the Midwest? Why would Ohio even be considered part of the Midwest? Geographically speaking Oklahoma is much more midwestern than Ohio.

My conclusion was that the Midwest is a cultural area. All the states that I consider the Midwest share a similar culture.

It is the same in the south. Take Florida for example, obviously Florida is a southern state geographically but no one would consider it part of the South, yet they consider Virginia, Tennessee and Kentucky part of the South. The reason is the culture and the history that these states share. Florida never shared the same history as other southern states in terms of the American Founding and the Civil War. Although I have never researched this, I would assume that the term Midwest developed much earlier in our nation's history when Ohio, Indiana and Iowa were actually the middle section of the expanision westward. As the nation continued to grow, the term classified the people of that area culturally rather than geographically.

It is just something that I've never thought about, but has come to my attention recently. The Midwest is the not a geographical area, but it represents a culture, a culture of which I am very proud.

Influence

2005-10-08T10:31:00.000-05:00

My favorite reason I enjoy going to the gym is the atmostphere for working out. At 6:30 a.m. on the week day mornings, only the very dedicated join together on the treadmill to jog a few miles before work. No one ever wants to get up in the morning, let alone run a few miles. But I find when I arrive at the gym everyone is disciplined and it encourages me to work hard and be disciplined as well. I am encouraged to better myself because everyone else is working just as hard.

This just goes to reiterate how important it is for us to surround ourselves with the right people. If you are surrounded by people who do not work hard, do not discipline themselves, do not enjoy life then you will become lazy, undisciplined and bitter. I love my co-workers because they are positive, visionaries who are working hard for a cause. I have very few friends who have a negative outlook on life. I try to surround myself with people who are encouraging, hard working and loving.

The flip side of the coin is you have to try to be the person who is encouraging and hard working. It is not enough to just feed off the people around you, you can take the offensive and become the person you aspire to be. Everyone knows those people. They are like rays of sunshine, always positive, always smiling. We have to seek the good in the seemingly bad situtaitons, not only for ourselves but for those around us.

Last Sunday the pastor at the church attended talked about influence. He referred to the chapter in Genesis when Lot leaned his tent toward Sodom and then just a chapter or two later Lot and his family lived within the city. How easy it was for Lot to be influenced by the sin of Sodom. The pastors conclusion was that we have to be aware of who we are influencing and who is influencing us.

Speaking of influence, my momma started a blog! Here it is http://1godandking.blogspot.com. Be sure to check it out!

In the locker room...

2005-10-04T18:16:00.000-05:00

I joined a new gym that is right up the street from my house. This gym is awesome, expensive, but awesome. It has an indoor running track, a swimming pool and tons of classes that I can take. I love it.

This morning was the first morning that I've decided to shower there. I took all my left over shower supplies from college, my bath towel, my shower caddy, my shower shoes and my bath robe. Never having been to a nice gym before, I was not aware the most of these items are provided for you. There is shampoo, conditioner, body wash and shave cream in the shower. Clean towels on the shelf. A hairdryer, hairspray and tissues at the vanity mirrors. Q-tips are even provided! Like a small child, I was amazed.

But there is one part of the locker room that I will never understand... why do all the women have to walk around naked! I realize that the nature of a locker room is to shower and to change clothes, but honestly, is it really necessary to do your hair and apply make-up while standing buck naked in front of the vanity mirror in a public place?! I mean sure, we're all women. It is nothing that I haven't seen before... but to walk around the locker room, having conversations with others while you are wearing nothing but your birthday suit, that is unnecessary.

I remember my mom telling me how she was horrified as a child when she had to shower with the other girls after gym class. Luckily, that is no longer practiced in elementary schools today. Now, it is interesting to note that the immodest women of the locker room were not the young, fit women. They were generally the older and heavier women... they were the women that had nightmares of showering after gym class while they were growing up. Have they forgotten the nightmares!?! Didn't they learn anything!?! Must they trade their childhood nightmares for my 22-year-old ones!

Boot camp?

2005-10-03T20:29:00.000-05:00

I visited a friend yesterday who is training to be a full time missionary in Japan. She has been at this training camp for 6 weeks now and has one more week to go. Some other visitors at the camp mistook me for one of the members of the mission team. I laughed saying that my mission field was in Washington, D.C. Then I got to thinking...

What if I was as intentional about preparing for my mission as Elena was in preparing for hers? What if I took up the call of God on my life and viewed each day as training day for something greater in the future. Although this a good idea there are few inherent problems my idea...

First, I am already in the mission field. Elena literally lived in a Christian bubble, and she willingly admitted it. It was a retreat type center in the middle of nowhere in Virginia. The community was almost completely self-supporting. I, on the other hand, am already spending each day "in the field" among those who I am going to impact. I don't have every hour of every day to be spending in training, prayer and worship. I wish I did, but alas, I do not. I have other practical things that I need to do which can be worship, but it is not the same.

Second, serving God does not require a boot camp. Although the idea of being that intentional about living for God is a great goal, God is not asking for something that needs to sound that overwhelming. He has met us where we are. He does not demand everything although our everything will eventually be submitted to Him. He just asks for the little things. The little prayers of our hearts. The little acts of obedience and worship. Live every little moment for God and that will be the best training we can have.

The Look

2005-09-28T05:22:00.000-05:00

Today I am once again drawn to the story about the rich man and Jesus, but this time the passage falls in Mark Chapter 10. After the man tells Jesus that he has kept all the commandments, verse 21 says, "Jesus looked at him and loved him."

Oswald Chambers says it best:

"This look of Jesus will require breaking your heart away forever from alegiance to any other person or thing. Has Jesus ever looked in this way at you? This look of Jesus transforms, penetrates and captivates. Where you are soft and pliable with God is where the Lord has looked at you. If youare hard and vindicative, insistent on having your own wa, and always certain that the other erson is more likely to be in the wrong than you are, then there are whole areas of our nature that havenever been transformed by His gaze."

Mothers are known for "the look" which immediately tells their children that what they are doing is wrong. But if I truly think about it, mothers have more than just a look of discipline. My mom had a look of empathy. When our hearts were broken, her heart was broken. A look of joy. When we did something well, she rejoiced with us.

Parents have looks that only their children know how to read. The Lord is no different. As his children, one loving gaze from the Father will be all that we ever need.

Expressions

2005-09-27T08:49:00.000-05:00

One way that we worship God is by being ourselves. God created us with certain likes and dislikes. We can worship him by doing the things that we love! How often do we try to conform to someone else's expectations, especially in the church?

After this discussion in small group last week, I set out to do what I truly love. I've had quite the weekend, but it was relaxing and enjoyable.

One of the things I love to do is host parties and really fuss over the friends that come over. I love planning parties and enjoy the company of being surrounded by friends. I also love to cook for my friends and family. Therefore, on Friday night, I hosted a dinner party. I had six ladies over and tried to bless them with all the resources I had available. Food. Wine. Atmostphere. Music. It was truly an enjoyable evening.

On Sunday afternoon, I had a few friends over to watch the Steelers' game. I love American Football. I love fall. I love my friends. Unfortunately, the Steelers lost but the company was great!

Finally last night I attend a swing dance with one of the local churches. I had an amazing time! I love to dance. There were more gentlemen there than ladies, which was a pleasent surprise and most of them danced better than I did. I met a fellow Spanish speaker and was able to speak Spanish half of the evening! I loved it! I danced salsa and swing. I stayed out way to late, but I met new friends and had a great time. I can't wait to go again in two weeks.

And to think that in doing all these things, I was worshipping God. Expressions of me, the created... God loves it when we enjoy being who He made us to be!

Platonic Friends

2005-09-25T07:07:00.000-05:00

One of my best friends in D.C. is Michael... yesterday we went out with a couple of friends late at night and I truly had a wonderful time. He is from Southern California and studies at Georgetown Law. He is one of the few guys in D.C. who I feel that we really are "platonic" friends. We've actually talked about it. For that reason, I am comfortable around him and can get to know him in a different way than every other guy.

Is it possible to be platonic friends? I know that there is movie that addresses this issue, but must admit that I've never seen it, When Harry Met Sally. Maybe I should watch it and then blog again on what I find out. I once had a best friend in High School who was plutonic but then we started dating by our senior year. Hmmm...

In my ideal world, every guy that I would date would at first be my platonic friend. That is the only way that you could truly get to know someone with all masks removed. My heart is too fragile for casual dating. I don't mind going out and having a good time, but I could do without the physical and emotional expectations that accompany dating of which I am just as guilty as the guys.

Dating in the "real" world is much different than in college. In college, there were plenty of opportunities to get to know guys as friends. It is the social nature of collegiate life. There really was no need for dating... I am told that it is not the same in the "real" world. Of course, unlike most young adults my age, I attend a VERY young church. 80% of the congregation is 20-something and single. I even attended a co-ed small group this summer. I also work at a VERY young organization, where the guys are intelligent, good-looking, principled and perfect gentlemen. So I have guy-friends and comfortable situations and settings where it is possible to get to know them as friends.

I do not feel emotionally capable of dating at this time in life... I am capable of building strong friendships with guys, and seeing what God does with the friendships down the road. At the very least I will have made a friend who can go out with my on Saturday night when I don't know the other people that we are going out with very well. Someone to make dinner with so that I'm not just eating tortilla chips every meal. And although I realize that if he ever gets a girlfriend it might change the friendship, that is kind of the nature of the beast... hopefully she likes me, and we can be friends as well.

Changing hearts

2005-09-23T05:23:00.000-05:00

This summer I attend a community group on Thursday nights on Capitol Hill. One of the best conversations we had was on the topic of moving mountains, and I am reminded of it this morning. We were discussing the story in the Old Testament where Elisha makes an iron axehead float. I raised the question, "How can I make an axehead float?!" The problem in asking God to preform such a miracle is that I would ask for it and wait to see if it actually happened. It would be a test. I would ask in faith but not with expectancy.

One of the men in the group that night suggested something that I thought was amazingly profound. He said, "The physical world is God's playground. He can easily make a mountain move or an axhead float."

I am reminded of this idea this morning when I am reading Luke 18. The chapter ends with Jesus healing a blind man who is persistant in calling out to Him. However, in the previous passage, a rich man asks Jesus what he needs to "do to inherit eternal life?" Jesus first told him to keep the commandments, knowing perfectly well that the man had kept them. The rich man's problem was not obedience to the law; his problem was in the heart. Jesus told him to "sell everything you have and give to the poor." The man became sad, and Jesus allowed the man to walk away without any immediate healing for his problems. How many of us are offered an answer in our petitions to Christ, but choose not to listen because the sacrifice is too great?

The true mountains are in the hearts of men. God gave us free will to choose to love Him, to choose to be obedient. Just like in Bruce Almighty, he can command a mountain to move, but he cannot command us to love Him. Luckily, He says, "What is impossible with men is possible with God." We do not know if the rich man ever sold his possessions, but we know that he felt the conviction that accompanies an encounter with Christ. You cannot seek eternal life from Christ and not be moved.

Got milk?

2005-09-20T21:03:00.000-05:00

My bones are rejoicing today!!!

A few days ago, I bought a half gallon of milk and today it is almost gone! I didn't not grow up a milk drinker. In fact, I grew up hating milk. My dad hated milk, so I followed suit. However, in college I decided it would be good to force myself to drink atleast one glass of milk a day. I could only stand it if it was ice cold, so I would often add ice to my milk in order to finish the glass. Now, I'm a regular milk drinker! I usually have atleast one glass in the morning and a glass before I go to bed. Mmmm... It does the body good!

This is just one of the many good habits I picked up during my college years. When I started college, I figured there was no better time in my life to start good habits that would last the rest of my life... who knew, I was right.

My college-acquired habits are:

Flossing - do it before you brush your teeth. Your never going to forget to brush your teeth, so you'll never forget to floss! Good advice from my dental hygenist.
Making my bed - this I picked up from my college roommate Crystal who would make her bed every morning. Mind you, her bed was six feet in the air!
Washing my sheets - Another Crystal-accredited habit. After climbing into bed on sheet-washing day, she would rave about how wonderful it felt to have clean sheets!
Drinking coffee - not necessarily a good-for-you habit, but a habit I picked up nonetheless. Late nights at Denny's can do that to a person.
Regular work outs - started in college, but made easier after loosing the freshman-15 while in Ecuador.
Drinking diet soda - the most recent addition. I forced myself to start drinking it, so that I wouldn't have the added calories of regular soda. Now it is on the only thing I prefer. Also, I highly recommend Diet Cherry Coke. It really does taste more like regular Cherry Coke. The cherry flavor masks the diet flavor.

Sharing the Adventure

2005-09-20T20:04:00.000-05:00

Earlier this summer I finished the book Captivating by John and Stasi Elderidge. This fall I'm participating in a women's small group at my church where we are reading the book together. I just finished re-reading the first chapter, and it seems that the second read is going to be more fruitful than the first.

Stasi talks about how women long for an adventure, but she adds, "We do not want the adventure merely for adventure's sake but for what it requires of us for others. We don't want to be alone in it; we want to be in it with others." This pretty much summarizes everything that I have felt since I moved to D.C.

Moving here has been a great adventure. Like my time studying abroad last fall, I did not know a soul when I moved here. I didn't know where I was going to live, who I was going to meet, or how this adventure would play out. I knew that I had been offered the opportunity of a lifetime, but that I was in for a great adventure! And in that way, my four months here have succeeded in meeting all my adventurous expectations, both good and bad.

But the truth be told, I hate being here alone. What is the purpose of an adventure if I have no one to share it with!? Who wants to travel the world by himself!? No one.

There is a great part of me that has matured from the days of my childish youth where I take the topic of marriage very seriously. Marriage to me sounds like a shared adventure in itself. No doubt that it is difficult. One look at the broken relationships in this world and in my own life can reveal that. But life is an adventure as well. The outcome is as uncertain as the weather, and each morning when we rise, we step into the unexpected.

When I returned home from Ecuador, I had almost 500 pictures. Do you know how many people have seen those pictures? Maybe one or two. The events and objects in the pictures are so foreign to those who have never experienced them. Although I love to show the pictures, I find that those who see them become quickly bored. I feel the same is true for my life right now in D.C. I have embarked upon a great adventure, yet I have no one with whom I can share my pictures.

I am convinced more than ever that life is meant to be shared. I know that this is where God wants me to be, and I know that when the time is right He will provide someone worthy enough to share my pictures with. Faith in God's great plan is the third adventure. With that in mind, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus! (Philippians 3:14)

Marketing

2005-09-20T17:51:00.000-05:00

Today, I decided that marketing a book is a lot of hard work!

My boss just finished a book entitled The Heritage Guide to the Constitution. It is the first book of its kind. It is a line-by-line analysis of the Constitution. Over 100 legal scholars contributed to the book. This project has been in the works for 3 years, and I have jumped in at the tail end of it.

I spent this summer taking a crash course in legal citations. For all you non-lawyers out there, the Blue Book is the official guide on how to cite court cases that every first-year law student learns religiously. I, however, am not a first year law student. A few other legal types were able to show me the basics and then I began editing 26 pages of single-spaced 12-point font case citations. This life experience taught me that I never want to become a lawyer, not if it requires a full year of my life gruling over the Blue Book Style Guide.

All those nightmares are now done, and I have put them behind me. Lately, however, we've been trying to layout a plan for marketing the book among Heritage friends. The book is being published by Regnery publishing, so they are handling all the media marketing. That leaves our Center to organize any personal markets that we might want to target. There are so many organizations that might find this book useful that it is hard to keep track of them all.

We had two meetings today with well-networked Heritage employees. It is important to note that in Ohio the term "networked" never really existed in reference to people. One might say, "oh him? He's well-known in the community," or "she is held in high regard by many," but no one networks. This is an entirely new concept for me and it seems too complex for me to ever engage in fully. These well-networked individuals literally know EVERYBODY! Which comes in handy when you want to market a book! Making sense of all the contacts is what is difficult and that is exactly where duty called me.

I shall sleep well tonight...

A change up

2005-09-19T21:16:00.000-05:00

Somehow my schedule got flip-flopped...

Since I moved to D.C. I have been getting up super-early... around 5:15 a.m. so that I can spending some time in prayer and meditation and then still have enough time for a good run. I found this schedule exhausting...

I could never stay out late with my friends because I was too tired and I had to get up early the next morning to do it all over again. The hours that I spent at home before going to bed where the most idle hours of my day. I usually ate too much junk food which always made me feel awful the next morning. In the mornings, my work out was always squeezed into 45 minutes, and I almost always ran late for work.

Today was the second day where I changed up my schedule and ran after work. Besides Wednesday nights, I usually don't have plans in the evenings. Sometimes I make plans to visit with friends, but even then the plans don't begin until 7:30 p.m. Giving me two hours between work and my evening activities to have a great work out. I am amazed tonight that even if I don't go to bed until 11 p.m., I could still get a full 8 hours of sleep!

Here is the problem... when I work out first thing in the morning, all day I know that I have already met my physical activity requirements for the day. When the alarm goes off at 5 a.m., it is only a matter of a five-minute struggle over my lazy nature, before my feet hit the floor and I'm out the door. When I run in the afternoon, I spend the whole day having that same struggle.

In reality, I do not need to worry. I have been working out regularly for over a year now, with little more than a few days in a row that I ever missed. I am fully capable of discipling myself, so now it is just a matter of not allowing myself to make excuses. I always say, "you are your own worst enemy when it comes to working out."

Discipline is overcoming your own excuses!

Reading

2005-09-19T20:33:00.000-05:00

For about the last year, I have really begun reading for enjoyment. I never grew up reading and feel that I somehow missed out on something very valuable. I just finished the Chronicles of Narnia and thoroughly enjoyed them. This weekend I began Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen. I love the novel thus far! I got to work a half hour early this morning, so I had a cup of coffee at the local coffee shop and continued reading about Marianne and Elinor. I definitely identify more with Marianne in her views about life and love. She is the “sensibility” part of the novel, but I admire Elinor for her modesty, strength and “sense.”

I find that I become friends with the characters that I read about. I hate when I actually finish a novel because it means that my dialogue with the characters is complete. I joke about how rude it is for the characters to exclude me from the rest of their lives, when we have been intimate friends for so long. I guess that is the great part about reading. It is what my kindergarten teachers and college professors have been talking about. Hmmm… maybe there was some "sense” to what they were saying all along.

To be "known"

2005-09-19T05:54:00.000-05:00

Every morning I try to spend a little bit of time in God's Word, really studying and reflecting on what God wants to say to me. It is through these morning quiet times that I first began to consider writing a blog. Having just graduated from college, I am still in a very analytical and thoughtful mode. Most mornings I read a passage of scripture usually dictacted by My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers and then true to pick out a few verses to think about. I have a real prayer journal that I usually write my thoughts in, but I decide I would like to start sharing them with others. Here is my thought for today...

One of my favorite Psalms has always been Psalm 139, because it shows exactly how much God knows and loves us. It starts out "O Lord, you have searched me and know me." That is an amazing thing in itself. The God of the Universe knows me. But what does it mean to know somebody. Since I've moved to D.C., I learned that making friends is hard work. That is one reason that I love going home... It is like in the T.V. show Cheers where "everybody knows your name." Home is a very relaxing place for me, because the friends that I spend time with have known me for years. They were there through the most difficult times; they know and already excuse my faults. It is very liberating to be "known."

Some Christians may feel that it is scary to be "known" by God. In the United States today, very few people genuine. They do not reveal their true thoughts and feelings; instead they hide behind a mask of what they think others want them to be. When you come before God, he already knows you. He knows your greatest struggles and sins and loves you for them anyways. I find rest in the fact that I don't have to try to hide anything from God, because it is already "known" by him. I can just freely fellowship with him in the same way that I fellowship with my friends back in Ohio. I resolve to be myself before him because he knows me.

Theater Church?

2005-09-18T22:37:00.000-05:00

Since I have moved to D.C., I have been blessed with a wonderful church. However, it is unique because it meets in the Union Station Movie Theater. I grew up in a very traditional church, Christ Episcopal Church on the shores of Lake Erie. That is where I became a Christian, but my spiritual life really took off when I began attending Faith Memorial Assembly of God in Sandusky. Throughout my young adult life, I felt torn between the traditional litergy and the passionate worship. When I moved to D.C., I needed a church that was metro accessible, and what a better place than Union Station. I found fellowship there in a "small" group made up of about 30 individuals. They were my first friends and continue to be the strongest friends that I have here.

Since then, I am occasionally discouraged by the sticky floors and smell of greasy old pop corn. I have since began a search for a new church, but I have come to a conclusion. There is difference between the church as a building and a church as a people. This is something that I have always known, but never understood. These were the first people to reach out there hands to me in D.C., and since then, I spend most of my weekend with them. The messages are amazing and Pastor Mark is always on the cutting edge of ideas for the Christian community. He has inspired me to set God-sized goals and to look foolish in pursuit of Christ. Also the worship music rocks! This is a church, no matter where it meets.

Conversations with Grandpa

2005-09-18T18:46:00.000-05:00

Today, I had a conversation with one my favorite people in the whole world, my grandfather. Recently it seems that our conversations are more and more heartfelt and serious. Anymore, every conversation we have includes some amount of advice concerning life. Today's advice... document your life.

Since I have moved to D.C. from Ohio, I have been impressed by the number of people who blog regularly. Blogs are something different from a live journal where you just document the events of day. Blogs include thoughts about various issues. Many people have blogs that just address one certain issue. Others, like me, use their blogs to document general thoughts that might come across them during the day.

As I was telling my grandad today about the many blessings that I've experienced since I moved to D.C., he suggested that I make a note of them. He shared stories of how his brother, my great uncle, did many amazing things that we would never know about today had he not documented them. Of course, he said I should have a file in a cabinet or a notebook to document each amazing blessing that happens, but I had already been thinking about starting a blog, his advice and a lazy September Sunday afternoon, inspired me to sieze the day.

2005-09-18T16:22:00.000-05:00

Hard at work